its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
