remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
