Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have already put on my inside pants.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
