I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
