Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
