Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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