I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
It's Friday. Sex?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
