So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
