Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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