My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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