My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
