Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
