3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
