Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
