So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
