Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
And then he peed in my hair
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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