wrigley field is MILF paradise
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
