a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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