She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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