I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
