True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
