No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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