escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize