2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
