someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!