I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
barbara walters just said penis...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.