peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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