Texts From Last Night

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  (734): View more from Michigan

  TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny

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  (734): TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny http://tfl.nu/rat0
  Replies (24) Good night (1008) Bad night (3366)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!

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  (913): I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?! http://tfl.nu/fugu
  Replies (67) Good night (1871) Bad night (4518)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now

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  (702): Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now http://tfl.nu/aoyo
  Replies (22) Good night (4458) Bad night (851)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan

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  (404): I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan http://tfl.nu/xldl
  Replies (14) Good night (5319) Bad night (1361)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity

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  (215): Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity http://tfl.nu/eokb
  Replies (5) Good night (1871) Bad night (728)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.

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  (218): No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises. http://tfl.nu/ig53
  Replies (17) Good night (702) Bad night (2933)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?

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  (614): The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me? http://tfl.nu/yci0
  Replies (16) Good night (3776) Bad night (494)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.

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  (831): I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting. http://tfl.nu/2s6l
  Replies (3) Good night (700) Bad night (408)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.

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  (712): ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was. http://tfl.nu/plh1
  Replies (3) Good night (413) Bad night (1036)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Mole people?

  (425): View more from Washington

  Mole people

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  (425): The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are. (541): Mole people? (425): Mole people http://tfl.nu/8coi
  Replies (8) Good night (1212) Bad night (337)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.

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  (479): Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/u3e4
  Replies (4) Good night (1221) Bad night (542)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.

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  (513): So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time. http://tfl.nu/30oo
  Replies (1) Good night (175) Bad night (342)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!

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  (616): I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever! http://tfl.nu/7fus
  Replies (5) Good night (405) Bad night (722)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...

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  (603): I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff... http://tfl.nu/2u8y
  Replies (2) Good night (182) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.

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  (818): I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish. http://tfl.nu/82ma
  Replies (3) Good night (276) Bad night (583)

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