grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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