Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize