Texts From Last Night

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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.

  (1-814): View more from Pennsylvania

  compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.

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  (814): i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe. (1-814): compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible. http://tfl.nu/koli
  Replies (16) Good night (1009) Bad night (4000)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth

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  (847): Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth http://tfl.nu/6ed0
  Replies (29) Good night (4539) Bad night (913)
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  (949): View more from California

  I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage

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  (949): I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage http://tfl.nu/tvaz
  Replies (45) Good night (3975) Bad night (833)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

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  (781): Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?! (781): Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze. http://tfl.nu/sc14
  Replies (18) Good night (1089) Bad night (3811)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms

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  (785): He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms http://tfl.nu/p81e
  Replies (12) Good night (964) Bad night (3894)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend

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  (517): i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend http://tfl.nu/by4o
  Replies (7) Good night (6134) Bad night (1857)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.

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  (425): I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it. http://tfl.nu/dgh5
  Replies (13) Good night (1132) Bad night (3346)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing

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  (512): studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing http://tfl.nu/zch9
  Replies (12) Good night (1689) Bad night (801)
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  (949): View more from California

  Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.

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  (949): Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me. http://tfl.nu/lccl
  Replies (3) Good night (2477) Bad night (724)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-

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  (910): before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_- http://tfl.nu/01p5
  Replies (2) Good night (1086) Bad night (498)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..

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  (217): Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself.. http://tfl.nu/ozpb
  Replies (4) Good night (637) Bad night (640)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.

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  (775): That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed. http://tfl.nu/y3pb
  Replies (9) Good night (390) Bad night (1056)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP

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  (212): Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP http://tfl.nu/utcx
  Replies (2) Good night (829) Bad night (373)
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  (418): View more from Quebec

  He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants

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  (418): He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants http://tfl.nu/52t6
  Replies (0) Good night (579) Bad night (254)
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  (928): View more from Arizona

  Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.

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  (928): Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip. http://tfl.nu/e334
  Replies (3) Good night (519) Bad night (167)

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