its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.