If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
being pregnant is like rehab
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.