don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize