do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
3pm strippers are depressing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
