The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
COCAINE IS GR8
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
