evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
