I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Semen is not good for contacts.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.