I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
25 Porn Addicts Admit Their Biggest Pet Peeves
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.