A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Should I go bust a nut on the beach