i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.