True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window