i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...