I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?