what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
