And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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