I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
