Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
