We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
