I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have tasted many bathrooms
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
