THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
