I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
