watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
