Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
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