My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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