youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
