I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
