Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
