Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
