i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
