she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
