that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
