I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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