yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize