How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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