There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
