Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
