Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Vodka?
Forever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
