Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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