It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
