i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
