As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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