I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
