Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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