guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
