Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I don't think brook has ever known best
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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