god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
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you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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