the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
